Upon examining my sad-looking fridge in an attempt to decide what to slap together for dinner, a fit of laziness overruled any attempt at being creative. It was decided that Alex and I would venture out into the world in search of something to eat.
Ruling out our usual go-to's we strained to think of some quick eats that we had yet to sample in one of the nearby neighborhoods. A clipped coupon later, we decided to finally succumb and try Fat Burger, the new California chain to lay down roots here in the Tri-state.
I remember hearing local radio DJ's raving about it when it first opened a few months ago and Alex was in the mood for a burger.
Fate?
After passing it once, we finally pulled up to the relatively unspectacular looking building in Oakley around 5 pm. It's easy to miss as it's set back from the road and has no free standing billboard and with the state of the parking lot it left me wondering if everyone had. A nearly empty parking lot had me doubting whether or not it was even open and as we made our way to the front door I found myself wondering if this was a telling sign on a Thursday evening.
The plainish, low profile building begged to differ though; boasting smugly via signage: "The last great hamburger stand."
Upon entering we were greeted by a relatively chipper woman at the register and a muted '50s diner-themed decor. We scanned the menu of sandwiches baring names with qualifiers like Fat, Crispy Fat, Spicy Fat, and King and, for those with a more modest appetite, Baby Fat.
Alex decided on (what else?) their namesake, a Fatburger with cheese. He opted for a side order of onion rings and a chocolate shake to help choke it all down, which unwittingly worked out to be a Fat Deal combo meal ($9.89).
I scanned the menu trying to decide whether or not to use my vegetarian exception rule I use when reviewing a restaurant and vegetarian options are scarce*. While Fat Burger does offer a Boca burger on their menu (which I was pleasantly pleased to see), I couldn't see paying $5 for a Boca burger when I can buy a whole pack for that and make them at home. So instead I opted for the Turkey burger ($4.59).
We took our number-on-a-stick back to a table and settled in while eying the free digital jukebox in the center of restaurant currently pumping out some R&B. Apparently at Fatburger you're truly the master of your own destiny, both in food and music preference.
Upon closer examination of our surroundings both Alex I agreed that the whole place had a gritty feel (and by gritty I mean dirty). There was an employee wiping down tables and sweeping but for as empty as the place appeared it was still well used filthy, complete with a film of something coating our table.
With close to nothing hanging on the walls, the muted '50s theme was less lively diner and more cold, unwelcoming bowling alley.
But I've eaten fantastic food in dirty dives before so at this point I'm not yet ruling out a truly unforgettable meal.
Alex's chocolate shake arrived first and after both of us had our initial sips we began comparing it against our all-time favorite chocolate shake from United Dairy Farmers, among others from similarly themed restaurant chains like Steak n' Shake. We both agreed it tasted well enough but it just wasn't as thick as a "hand-dipped" shake should be.
However, I did note that the “plastic” cup housing our shake was in fact a cold corn cup, made from 100 percent corn and completely compostable. Huzzah for eco-conscious corporate food chains.
The food arrived next, on a single red cafeteria tray. We had to turn the tray long-ways between us to act as some sort of plate in fear of our food coming in contact with the less than sterile table. The sandwiches were large, greasy, sloppy and half wrapped in a piece of waxy paper. I had to go and retrieve a plastic knife to saw mine in half to even begin to make it manageable. But by the time I returned, Alex had charged headlong into his burger so I suppose that some might not find composing their plan of attack quite so daunting as I.
As I watched Alex make headway on his mountain of meat I sampled an onion ring. They weren't awful, the onion tender and sweet but the batter lacked any sort of real flavor. And so my search for a flavorful ring of onion continues.
I juggled my turkey burger before taking a bite and immediately searching for a napkin to wipe off my hands (and face). The turkey was good but the burger was entirely over dressed: onion, tomato, pickle, shredded iceberg lettuce and what seemed like a gallon of mayonnaise with some mustard mixed in.
I think if there is a next time, I'd definitely nix the mayo and mustard or ask for it on the side. I had a pinch of Alex's burger and we both concurred that the 1/3-pound cheeseburger was something of a cross between a Whopper and Big Boy in taste and feel but was disappointingly mediocre.
While the restaurant attempts to pass itself off as more of a themed restaurant than a run-of-the-mill fast food joint, as far as I could tell the only difference between Fatburger and Burger King was the absence of a drive thru window and an over inflated price.
While I appreciate an attempt at eco-consciousness (no doubt the California in 'em) and a vegetarian option on the menu, I can't say the food was worth the price. In the case of the less than clean feeling and uninviting atmosphere I'd say that the absence of a take out window might hurt business as the only way I could see myself returning would be to take the food and run... to a more appetizing locale.
*While an animal lover, my (mostly) vegetarian lifestyle is not based off of any food-based guilt (of which is limited to my loathing for lamb and veal). I'm a recent convert in an effort to embrace a healthier existence and for the simple fact that more often than not I found myself eating my side dishes of yummy vegetables (and going back for seconds and thirds), while pushing my meat entree around the plate. I occasionally do indulge in the forbidden protein, especially in the case of reviewing a restaurant.
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That burger is terrifying.
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